Untitled as of yet
by AfricanSavannah
Summary: Qui-Gon survives Darth Maul, he takes Anakin as his Padawan because the Force tells him to.  He wants to stay close to Obi-Wan, but something unexpected happens, so he is forced to keep his distance.


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Disclaimer: I don't own anything...especially not Star Wars, if I did I would be a lot richer.

The council stand around us in a circle, all completely focused on us. I have never been one to be intimidated by the council, but today it feels like their hemming us in. I am not accustomed to feeling helpless, and I do not wish to be. Obi-Wan seems to be coping less well than even I. Although they may judge me for it, I pull my Padawan into a hug, even if in just a few minutes, he may be my Padawan no longer. If only I had the time to reassure him further, but several members of the council seem to be losing patience.

"Good Master-Padawan team you are; saddens us greatly to see you split up it does."

A smile finds its way onto my face, we are a good team. I will miss him, but he won't be far away. I will still get to see him. Looking at the other council members, it is evident than when Yoda said 'us' he really meant 'me'.

It took more strength to unwind the threads of my connection with him, than either of my previous apprentices. So much so, that I ended up having to use raw power to rip through the last few threads. Obi-Wan falls to his knees screaming, even as my own cry rips itself from my throat, I am feeling guilt settle itself in me. I hadn't thought it would hurt him this much. Privately I wonder if it hurt him more than it hurt me. I need to lean some of my weight against the wall in order to lever myself back up onto my feet. It is done. The hardest bit, I have relinquished all claims to Obi-Wan. Seeing my padawan in pain, I instinctively reach for the bond. It hangs tattered, twitching, this had to be done, it is for the best. The broken bond sickens me it is wrong, there shouldn't be so much of it left. It shouldn't be moving, not twitching, not anything. It is supposed to be small, limp, unnoticeable.

"Done, it has been."

Yoda is frowning, more to himself than anyone else. His ears droop and he lowers his head. Then he looks at me, the next few words are unmistakably directed at me.

"And undoing it, easy will not be."

Mace turns to face Yoda also, his usually emotionless face shows all the perplexity I myself feel, if none of my pain. He speaks.

"The severance of a bond between padawan and master is permanent."

Some of the other masters begin to mutter amongst themselves. I reach for the Force, it swirls about me, murmuring, unhappy. _Why?_ I release words rather than emotions into it, _Why are you unhappy? Anakin, is the one you chose, I will train him. I promise._ That Anakin is the one it chose **not** Obi-Wan is implied. Obi-Wan hasn't gotten up yet, he is too pale, even when compared to his skin's usual standard. His eyes are closed. I move over to him, my shaking hands slide under his arms. He is heavier than I remember, or maybe the difference is that he's not even trying to help me – I don't know. Eventually it is just the two of us, him propped up, seemingly by me alone. The council are looking at us again, his reaction to the bond being broken, was more dramatic than most. All either of us should have felt was a slight emptiness that would soon go away and a twinge, the merest hint of pain.

Then Obi-Wan in his usual caring manner, promptly apologises and thanks me, despite the fact that he did nothing wrong, and I did very little to help. Then he puts even more of his weight onto me. The bond conveys vague embarrassment. It is nearly thirty seconds later that I realise that I shouldn't be feeling anything from the bond. A glance around tells me that the council members are still immersed in a discussion. I slip back into my mind, seeking the bond out deliberately. It's growing back. I shove my still weakened padawan from me. My eyes are wide with shock, I can hardly breathe and panic grips me. I run from the council chambers. I head to our quarters, then realise that reminders of Obi-Wan are the last thing I need. I end up going to the archives and secreting myself away in a corner. I focus inwards. I am right. The bond between Obi-Wan and me is growing back. It isn't supposed to do that. It just isn't. I shred it this time, rather than just breaking the length that spans between us, I decimate its roots in my mind. It burns. With that done, I face the fact that sooner or later I will have to return to our rooms. I go there, hopefully with my side of the bond so thoroughly mutilated, it won't be able to form a connection.

I hear knocking, fast, frantic knocking. Then the the handle being twisted. Even before he steps into the room I know it is Obi-Wan. The Force practically purrs when he stops less than a metre from me. I don't even glance at him, today has shown that it is best that I keep my distance.

"Master, Master. Are you okay?"

"I am fine Obi-Wan. Just-just leave."

"Master-"

"Leave. Now."

I am disappointed when he obeys my instruction.

* * *

Again I stand before the Jedi council in a rather unorthodox situation, it is becoming a rather stressful habit. Anakin is standing next to me, his blond hair all over his face. Obi-Wan stands a little further away on my other side. He is standing still as he has been taught to respect the council, but certainly not by me. So this is what everything was for, is for. My heart thrums in my chest, but I cannot release my emotions to the Force, the council would notice. It starts off as a usual Knight-Padawan bonding ceremony. I say my vows on autopilot, Anakin has to, to my disgrace and the council's displeasure, look down at a datapad he brought with him every few seconds in order to get his right. This is supposed to be something meaningful, something sacred, and Anakin couldn't even be bothered to memorise five sentences over nine days. I cut off a small portion of Obi-Wan's braid, a little off his ponytail, then even less off my own hair. My hands tremble as I match up the ends, fusing our hair together segment by segment. Then I braid it carefully.

Then it happens. The council members step forward, ready to speak. Anakin, twirls his braid around his finger and beams.

"It's so cool!"

I freeze; Obi-Wan stares at him in abject horror; none of the council members seem best pleased. How could Anakin disregard something so significant. There are said to be five important events to any Jedi, this is one of them. This might even be the most important of them. They say their words, we leave silently.

* * *

I force myself from my bed. It is too early to be up without the promise of Obi-Wan's quiet contentment and smile waiting for me in the common-area. It doesn't take long for me to run through my early morning routine. Then I go to Obi-Wan's, no Anakin's room, and there is a tuft of too blond hair poking up from between two blue sheets, ginger would have looked better. I reprimand myself, blond is fine. I reach out to our training bond, and recoil as I feel the remnants of my bond with Obi-Wan. Then steeling myself I give a firm tug on the bond that doesn't seem to belong in my mind. He rolls over. Obi-Wan would have gotten up by now. I tug at the bond again, he shifts into wakingness, I depart to make breakfast, and mourn the lack of perfectly made tea in my favourite mug. It takes a further nine attempts at waking Anakin, before he finally gets up and dressed without retreating back to bed. We are late to the sparring hall before we even get out the door. In the words of my pada-former Padawan, 'I have a bad feeling about this' day.

Sure enough, when we arrive Obi-Wan is there running through some of the more complex katas. They're perfect, beautiful. Pride wells up in me, I squash it a little, it is one of those emotions that does not befit a jedi. As though he has felt my eyes on him – which he probably has – he turns to face me. I feel our broken training bond trying to resurrect itself, subtly, weakly. I turn my back on him, feigning disinterest, I can only have one training bond open at a time and that must be to Anakin, Obi-Wan doesn't need me anymore. Then I can feel his eyes on my back, I long to turn as he did, but know that if I do, it will ruin everything.

"Ani, watch carefully, I'm going to show you the first kata."

His big blue eyes stare up at me in wonder as I demonstrate the movements that come so easily to me now. Guilt fills me as I realise that I am devoting as much, if not more, of my attention to the eyes that are resting firmly on my back as on my current padawan. I have to accept this, Anakin is my padawan and all the wishing in the Universe won't send me back in time to a younger Obi-Wan who still needs his master. 'Ani', maybe if I call him that enough times out loud, I will start to call him that in my head too. He's a good kid, but Obi-Wan's voice echoes insistently in my head, 'dangerous', he called this perky, little nine year old dangerous. Still, I had rather shocked him at the time, he felt jealous, he was mistaken.

The rest of the hour long training session flew by in a blur. Not a fun blur, as one would commonly assume, but a mixture of guilt, anxiety. Jealousy of that knight who was tutoring Obi-Wan, he doesn't need tutoring, and if he did I would be more than glad to supply it – except, I can't because that would encourage our old training bond to take root again. Even after an hour, I can still feel Obi-Wan's eyes on me. I don't know how long Anakin has been trying to get my attention for, but it must have been a while, the bond tells me that much. He looks up at me waiting for praise, or criticism. Shamefully, my first thought Anakin's performance was '_Obi-Wan would have done it correctly the first time he tried.'_ Even worse is the second thought, _'You weren't a joy to teach – unlike Obi-Wan.'_ I can't remember how he did, I didn't really notice, I was paying too much attention to Obi-Wan. I try to make up for my inattention. I kneel down and hug him.

"Well done, Ani, you did great especially for your first time."

"Really?"

He seems sort of doubtful. Did he notice that I wasn't even watching. I hug him harder. Then I prepare myself to lie to my new apprentice.

"Best first-timer I've ever seen. I'm so proud."

"Even better than Obi-Wan?"

"Jedi aren't competitive, Ani. But yes, I am incredibly proud..."

_'….of Obi-Wan.'_

"Time to take a small break Ani."

He nods. It is harder than I expected to turn my back on Obi-Wan and lead Anakin away from the training hall. Away from Obi-Wan.

* * *

"Yes, Ani?"

"Could we play that holo-game that you and Obi-Wan played, please?"

"Of course."

'Taranja' has always been one of my favourite games, Obi-Wan and I spent hours playing it together. It might be something to help strengthen the bond between Anakin and me. Also, the questions it asks happen to be educational, so Anakin might learn some theory without bouncing all over the place. Anakin practically skips, while holding my hand all the way back to the apartment, whilst babbling about something or other. I am ashamed that when we get back to the apartment and he has to focus on setting the board up, I am relieved that he has finally stopped talking. It's not his fault of course, but the initiates and crechelings, the only children I frequently spend time with, have been raised to be tactfully, respectfully quiet most of the time. A little voice in the back of my head whispers that I wouldn't mind so much if it was Obi-Wan. To quiet it down a little I help Anakin to set the board up, then smile at him encouragingly.

"Okay Ani, you may go first."

He focuses on the game for all of ten minutes before he starts to complain that it is 'boring'. The board took longer than that to set up. I am glad that I no longer have to play a game, where you have to roleplay, with someone whom claims every power as his own. A large part of the game is the conversation, is the banter. Anakin offers to pack the game away, but I tell him that I'll do it, I pack everything exactly how Obi-Wan used to, then I move to put it in his room. But it's Anakin's room now. Feeling like a crecheling, I slide it into my bedside drawer, then move most of the possessions Obi-Wan chose not to take with him into my wardrobe. The last item in the box is The stone, my first gift to him, something makes me feel sick as I carefully turn it over in my hands. I hadn't thought he'd leave anything he treasured so highly behind. I lift up my pillow and put it underneath.

I can't force myself to teach Anakin anymore today, so I convince him to study off of datapads, he _is_ a little behind in his standard schooling. I'm meditating when the buzzer goes off, I know it is Obi-Wan before I even open the door. He stands there in his I'm-nervous-but-trying-to-hide-it posture, I haven't seen it in years. I stand in the doorway, he shouldn't come in, his very presence threatens Anakin's chances of becoming a jedi. He looks up at me with hurt eyes.

"I've just come to collect the rest of my belongings, Master – Jinn."

The 'Jinn' has obviously just been tacked on the end and sounds awkward. It still sounds good coming from his mouth, 'Master', and I am too grateful that he still considers himself my padawan to push him away. I suppose it's a good thing that he wasn't leaving everything behind, but still, he'll have to...

"Come in, it will take me a few minutes to collect them."

"They were in the cardboard box."

He sounds confused and rightfully so, but I just lead him to the sofa. He sits, obedient, but as tense as a cornered rancor. I move into my room. First I lay the board flat on the bottom of the box, then I put his old training 'sabre in after checking the safety setting, then I arrange the other possessions on top. It takes a few minutes for me to decide, I move the stone I gave him into one of the pockets on the inside of my robe. I want to keep it, but I'll offer it to him.

I carry it through to the common area where Obi-Wan waits. He sees me and stands up before I reach him. He holds out his hands, carefully gripping the box, it takes a few seconds for me to remember that I have to let go. He looks down at the box I have just given him with confusion.

"Did you go through it?"

"I assumed from the lack of your other belongings, that you rejected these ones. I simply arranged them more conveniently in my room."

More conveniently, meaning that I arranged them in such a manner that I could find a remnant of my padawan within reach no matter where I stood in the room. My words are so – formal, I hate it, I hate that we've become this.

"Did you want your stone back?"

I keep my tone neutral, despite the fact that I desperately want it. He stands there for a moment.

"It isn't in the box?"

"No, I thought I might have another use for it."

"Training Anakin."

"Something like that."

"You can keep it."

He turns, and leaves. For all the good it does my bond with Anakin, it hurts to see my – Obi-Wan go. Something occurs to me quickly. I run after him.

"Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan. Wait!"

He pauses.

"When are your trials?"

"My trials?"

"Your trials. When are they?"

"13 days from now."

"That is sooner than usual. Normally, you would be given months to prepare."

"Only for the padawan to receive extra tuition from their master."

"You'll pass."

He doesn't look like he believes me. I touch his shoulder intent on reassuring him. He leans into the touch and our bond surges with power. I struggle against it, throwing my strongest shields up and jerking away from Obi-Wan, I know he doesn't understand, but it's for the best. I force myself to twist, moving back towards the apartment I share with Anakin. The conversation, far from soothing the metaphorical emptiness worsened it, emphasising what I no longer have. Obi-Wan. And that is enough to create the need for 2 hours meditation in the common-area simply to relinquish my emotions to the Force.

Anakin lies sleeping in my bed, I don't want to wake him, so it is to the Padawan's room I go. The sheets still smell like Obi-Wan, it is not an unpleasant scent in and of itself, but its lustre comes from being his. The tears come unbidden to my eyes. My fading into sleep does not come easily. I jerk awake, once, twice, only knowing that something absolutely vital is missing. The third time I cast out to the Force, begging for guidance, it leads me to my own room, to my apprentice's sleeping form. I look down at him, tentatively reach out to touch him, his hair feels strange, too spiky, too unyielding. I run a hand all the way through this time, the Force having fallen silent. Then my hand encounters it, something warmish, hard rounded. I don't need to look to know that it is Obi-Wan's stone. I wrap my fingers around it tightly, then quickly steal away into Obi-Wan's room, with sheets smelling of him around me and his stone reassuringly firm in my hand, I fall into a deeper slumber than before.

A/N: I've read a fair few fics where Qui-Gon survives, trains Ani, and rejects Obi-Wan. Almost all of them seem to be told from Obi-Wan's point of view, so I figured that this would make a change. Feel free to suggest PoV changes, I'm thinking of maybe doing an Anakin or a Bant.


End file.
